week 39 and counting

That’s right, I’m still counting.  Today is the 39 week mark.  I’m officially done.  Baby is fully cooked and I am so anxious to meet the little one.  It’s funny that once the doctor gives you the green light, you think you have control to go into labor that night.  I was given the green light 2 weeks ago, and I’m still waiting.  They say that your first baby is usually 5-7 days late and the doctors said they would induce at 8 days late, so I could potentially still have awhile.  I go to bed every night thinking that this is the night.  I make sure my bag has my toothbrush (because for some reason thinking I have to leave for the hospital in the middle of the night and not being able to brush my teeth annoys me).

I did however take this waiting time and made sure I snagged up one last maternity pic.  Unfortunately, we don’t have any gray walls in our new house so I ran around to each room looking for a wall remotely similar to that of the other pictures.  So here it is week 39.  I definitely look bigger in the pictures than I feel or even than when I look at myself in the mirror.  I don’t know why that is but this picture really is a wake-up call for me.  Also, thank goodness this is the last picture because that white dress was really tight…and short, yikes!

I am so anxious to meet our little one.  I’m not going to lie, last week I started freaking out about birth and motherhood really.  The thought of having to give birth just frankly freaked me out.  I dream about it every night and every dream is different and some even include births where something is wrong with the baby.  I wake up freaking out and then realizing I’m not in labor.  The thing that worries me the most is that I’m doing something wrong carrying this baby.  I feel like it’s going to be much easier taking care of the baby when it’s outside my body and I can physically see and touch the baby and know if they are ok.  With the baby inside me, I just have a lot of unknowns.  I don’t know how it’s doing in there.  Yes the doctors check the heartbeat and growth during my weekly appointments but that sometimes just isn’t enough.  I am wanting to know.

I had my 39 week checkup yesterday.  The doctor said not much has changed since last week except that I did lose 3 pounds.  Not that losing 3 pounds is a concern, I only gained over 40 pounds during this pregnancy so to lose 3 pounds, the baby is probably thanking me.  I’ve had no contractions yet, not even Braxton Hicks.  My water hasn’t broken and I show no other signs of labor.  So I just wait.  Wait and constantly think about the moment I get to meet our baby.  Like I said earlier, last week I was freaking out, this week I am ready.  Not that I won’t freak out during labor but I am now accepting it and excited for it.

Ironically, this week has also been the best week of sleep I’ve gotten in awhile, which is also discouraging.  I just envision waking up in the middle of the night with intense labor pains.  Instead I wake up at 7:30 refreshed and energized.  It’s weird and remotely disappointing every morning.  I don’t know why I think I’m going to go into labor in the middle of the night, just something I envision every pregnant woman doing.

So let’s recap.  It is weird to look at how I looked before I was 9 months pregnant.  I look so thin and to think I wasn’t in good shape then either as it was right after busy season and who knows how much weight I put on then.

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