That’s right, I’m still counting. Today is the 39 week mark. I’m officially done. Baby is fully cooked and I am so anxious to meet the little one. It’s funny that once the doctor gives you the green light, you think you have control to go into labor that night. I was given the green light 2 weeks ago, and I’m still waiting. They say that your first baby is usually 5-7 days late and the doctors said they would induce at 8 days late, so I could potentially still have awhile. I go to bed every night thinking that this is the night. I make sure my bag has my toothbrush (because for some reason thinking I have to leave for the hospital in the middle of the night and not being able to brush my teeth annoys me).
I did however take this waiting time and made sure I snagged up one last maternity pic. Unfortunately, we don’t have any gray walls in our new house so I ran around to each room looking for a wall remotely similar to that of the other pictures. So here it is week 39. I definitely look bigger in the pictures than I feel or even than when I look at myself in the mirror. I don’t know why that is but this picture really is a wake-up call for me. Also, thank goodness this is the last picture because that white dress was really tight…and short, yikes!
I am so anxious to meet our little one. I’m not going to lie, last week I started freaking out about birth and motherhood really. The thought of having to give birth just frankly freaked me out. I dream about it every night and every dream is different and some even include births where something is wrong with the baby. I wake up freaking out and then realizing I’m not in labor. The thing that worries me the most is that I’m doing something wrong carrying this baby. I feel like it’s going to be much easier taking care of the baby when it’s outside my body and I can physically see and touch the baby and know if they are ok. With the baby inside me, I just have a lot of unknowns. I don’t know how it’s doing in there. Yes the doctors check the heartbeat and growth during my weekly appointments but that sometimes just isn’t enough. I am wanting to know.
I had my 39 week checkup yesterday. The doctor said not much has changed since last week except that I did lose 3 pounds. Not that losing 3 pounds is a concern, I only gained over 40 pounds during this pregnancy so to lose 3 pounds, the baby is probably thanking me. I’ve had no contractions yet, not even Braxton Hicks. My water hasn’t broken and I show no other signs of labor. So I just wait. Wait and constantly think about the moment I get to meet our baby. Like I said earlier, last week I was freaking out, this week I am ready. Not that I won’t freak out during labor but I am now accepting it and excited for it.
Ironically, this week has also been the best week of sleep I’ve gotten in awhile, which is also discouraging. I just envision waking up in the middle of the night with intense labor pains. Instead I wake up at 7:30 refreshed and energized. It’s weird and remotely disappointing every morning. I don’t know why I think I’m going to go into labor in the middle of the night, just something I envision every pregnant woman doing.
So let’s recap. It is weird to look at how I looked before I was 9 months pregnant. I look so thin and to think I wasn’t in good shape then either as it was right after busy season and who knows how much weight I put on then.